So

Where were we?

Long gone are the days of cherry Blow-Pops, Black Bart and Big League Chew. No more Grape Crush or peanut butter and jelly ‘cause there are grown-up chemicals in your belly. Trix and kicks are no longer for kids. Substance abuser celebrities are on all the covers. Recreational drug use doesn’t exist anymore. Everybody's got a problem. Everyone’s addicted to something. We’re all in denial and we all need help.

These days one joint equals a pack of smokes. MDMA burns holes in your brain. Cocaine burns holes in your soul. Nevermind the fatty foods or the aspartame or the fact that your mom smoked and drank like a fish while she was pregnant with you and you turned out alright. Nevermind that Keith Richards snorted his father’s ashes and will outlive us all. You’re simply not allowed to have a good time anymore.

But I say fuck all that. Maybe you're bored or you're bummed out or you’re burned out, wounded or broken, temporarily lost your way, half-alive, barely alive. Maybe your plate is full and you need a little break, a distraction, an altered state. So go ahead and take your coffee with cream and sugar, eat your non-pasteurized cheese and white bread, enjoy those two weeks paid vacation. Drink, snort and swallow to your hearts content. Because right now? Right now it’s fun time, muchachos. Time to fucking give’r! You are the man, the woman, the child, the father, the mother, the sister, the brother. Bullet-proof and drug-proof and flat-out elastic-fantastic. Durable as motherfuckin' nails. Be true to who you are. Don’t let anybody tell you how to live your life. Nobody ever died wishing they’d had less fun.